So it took me over 6 months to remember my LJ password, go me.  Woo, I'm back!

I'm also sick tonight, bf gave me his damn cold.....I'll update tomorrow.......er......later today.

So I'm hanging out on my bed last night watching some sort of movie and my phone chirps that there is a text message.  I pick it up expecting it to be from my best girlie friend or from the guy I'm currently seeing telling me goodnight.  Imagine my surprise when I see it's from Jeremy.  Jeremy who I dated in Dec-Feb.....who broke us up by DISAPPEARING FOR 2 MONTHS because he needed "some space" but didn't bother to tell me that part until he showed up again.

11PM he texts.  11pm when we're not close.........booty call.

I was annoyed.

He says "Hey there...been thinkin about you...  Whatcha up to?

Uh huh....yeah okay....so to fuck with him I texted back "Who is this?" to put across the point that he's not in my life anymore and therefore what number is this contacting me.  I figured he'd go away.

He actually answers with his name to which I then reply "fuck off".

Once again he has the nerve to text and says "I'm really sorry...I'm horny...I like being with you...That's the story.

Oh really?  Gee I couldn't tell you only wanted sex.

So I then reply with "I don't care...you had your chance, I'm not your fuck toy and I am seeing someone who actually appreciates me and treats me with respect so FUCK OFF"

No reply.  :)

The first day we were there, we relaxed and wandered the resort a bit to check it out. We were tired from traveling so we took a nap and then went to dinner. We ate at the Brazilian restaurant which was really very good. After the salad bar you got soup, (which was amazing by the way) and then for the entree, all the waiters would walk around from table to table with huge skewers of meat and cut off pieces for you right at the table. 7 different kinds, all delicious. After dinner we caught the nightly show, walked around some more and then went to bed.

The next morning we woke up early to hop onto the bus for our trip to Chichen Itza. Our tour guide, Berto was hilarious and made the very long ride enjoyable. We went all over chichen itza, first with a guided tour and then we had free time to wander around. They also had a lot of vendors in the area selling handmade crafts and jewelery and all kinds of things. I bought a silver bracelet and actually met the woman who made it. She was very nice and friendly and we spoke in some pidgeon for a little bit. I should have gotten a pic of me with her but I didn't think of it at the time. She was Mayan and had what are considered to be beautifications to her teeth which means she had holes drilled into the front of her main front teeth and prescious stones inserted. Kind of the ancient equivilent of the gold mouth pieces you sometimes see rappers wear. Though in my opinion, this mayan woman is more hardcore than any rapper for what she did to herself. I also bought some artesanal caramel from another vendor. All I knew at the time is that it was caramel and that I was getting different flavors but I didn't know which flavors I got until I came home and looked them up. It turns out I bought walnut and black currant. As far as I'm aware there are no "flavors" of caramel in the U.S. so I find it very interesting to see how it's going to taste. I also bought some beautiful handmade ceramic bowls that day. I really liked the designs and I can do a lot with them. I can use them as a bowl or I can put them up on the wall as decoration. After chichen itza, our tour stopped at a restaurant for lunch and we had a pretty good time there. There were a lot of foods to choose from and I put aside any of my squeamishness about food and discovered.....I LIKE REFRIED BEANS ON RICE. At least when it's authentic anyway. I downed a whole plate of it because it was so delicious. It reminded me of the soup I had the night before at the Brazilian restaurant which was rice, whole beans and smoked pork pieces. DELICIOUS. They also had entertainment while you ate, mexican dancers got up on the stage and began to spin and dance without music, they created the music with their feet, kinda like stepping in America but I thought it was better. LOL and then to up the ante they put bottles and then trays of glasses on their heads while doing all these crazy steps and spins. It was fun to watch. After lunch we stopped at a local cenote. A cenote is basically a sinkhole. Most of the yucatan is made of limestone and there is this whole amazing system of underwater caves and tunnels carved by the moving water. Sometimes the roof of one of those caves will collapse and form a cenote. They are revered by the locals as the purest water available and perhaps even healing. The one we went to was 50 meters deep....there was plant life and little black fish that looked strangely like carp but not quite. The water was deliciously cold and after about 10 seconds you couldn't feel the temperature anymore and it was very pleasant. There was also a small waterfall and lots of places to jump in and do cannonballs. I didn't cannonball because of my contacts but I did float around a lot and just enjoy it. I took a bunch of pics with my underwater camera....but I'm still waiting on them to get developed. After a nice long refreshing swim we got back on the bus and returned to the resort. We got drinks and walked around a little, showered and then went to dinner at the Steakhouse. Dinner was good, I got the surf and turf. My filet mignon was delicious tho the shrimp were a little mushy. I dunno if they waited to put the shrimp on or not but it was still okay. They served the most peculiar cheesecake for dessert. It was delicious but I've never tasted cheesecake with that consistency before....it was very....almost like a custard. After dinner we caught the new show and then went to bed. Lol we were both pretty tired from the day trip.

The third day I headed off to the spa for the free water circuit offered to all guests and I had also booked a massage. The water circuit was a lot of fun even though I did it alone. Everyone else who did it was very quiet and didn't talk so I didn't really feel left out like there was no one to talk to. They had this huge pool filled with bubbles, body sized tubs underwater in a larger pool that massaged you with bubbles when you pressed the buttons, jets all along the walls for whatever area of the body you wanted, a full body sized plate you stood on that vibrated and released bubbles to massage you (I seriously had to hold onto the wall for that one because the first time the force of it pushed me across the pool. XD) and then finally there was large shower heads that released water either for the head or shoulders but I found them to be too rough for me so I didn't use them much. After that part of the circuit you went into this maze of other things. It was like large open rooms with little alcoves in them that had different things. The first one had little valves all over and misted you hard with hot water. It felt good. The next one was a bucket of cold water over your head. I skipped that one. Then I went into the steamroom. It was "flavored steam" but for the life of me I didn't know what flavor and I joked out loud to myself as I sat down, "what flavor is this? Ass?" luckily I was alone. XD After about 10 min in there I couldn't stand anymore. Did you know in steamrooms the water condenses on the ceiling and then rains down on you? And the water is HOT. So it' was a little like being waterboarded. I left the room and returned to the bucket. I felt so hot I was willing to do it and it was GOOD. I did it twice, once for the back and once for the front. Then I wandered into another room that had different things in it, I tried this one where you walk across stones and you get hit with water on your calves but I found it to be slightly painful and ineffective so I didn't like that one. In my opinion the water needed to be harder and the stones smaller. Then I went into the sauna. I'd never been in one of those either. Man it was hot. It was like the steam room but dry. This time I talked aloud again (I need to stop that) and I said, "So this is what it feels like to be a roast chicken." There were people there this time and I got a few chuckles. I was kinda weak in that room, I could only stay a few minutes and then I bolted. I just couldn't do it. I was completely dry now too. O_O Even my bathing suit......from 4 minutes in there. That's how hot it was. I did a few more things and then found the turkish bath. I decided to skip it because there was no clock and didn't want to miss my massage. I came out to see I had about 20 minutes before my massage so I went into this sunken walk of ICE COLD water. It closes your pores back up after all that stuff you do. Then I hopped into the jacuzzi next to it to warm back up a little. Man I love jacuzzis. Finally I got out and went for my massage which was great. I had it right on the beach in this private little cabana just me and the massusse. After the spa, I caught the tram back to the lobby and walked down to the beach to find mom. Couldn't find her, thought apparently she saw me and was trying to catch up to me before I lost her (without meaning to) and headed back to the room where I ordered up some room service. Mom called me from the beach and I waited for her to join me in the room. The room service was decent but nothing to brag about. We went down to the pool where I proceeded to get a drink (or three) at the swim up bar while she lounged on a chair under the thatched umbrellas. Then she headed off for her massage and I headed to the beach. I lounged around and filled up my bottle with sand and coral. I took some quick pics and then headed back to the room to meet up with mom again after her massage. We grabbed our snorkel gear and headed back to the beach to snorkel, unfortunately the red flags were up so our time in the water was limited. But then we hit another pool on our way back to the room and took some fun underwater pics of each other, tho I do have ones of the ocean as well, not sure I was able to catch a fish though. Oh well. Another time. Then we showered and changed for dinner at the Japanese restaurant which was kinda like a hibachi style but unfortunately although this restaurant got a lot of good reviews online I have to give it a D-. I did not like it much at all. Something about Japanese food and how to serve it got lost in translation. The sushi was......prepared ahead of time - ICK. The tempura veggies were good but they sliced them so thin and fried them together so it was just huge clumps stuck together and a nightmare to separate. Then came the hibachi grill and something really funky happened to my friend rice. I should have gone with steamed like I usually do. But when lime is put on your japanese hibachi dinner there isn't much to be done to save it. Also, he put something else I couldn't identify and I believe it to be a mix of ginger and garlic and there was just....so much of it. I was disappointed. But I hit the lobby bar after dinner and cheered myself right up lol. Then we went to the last show of the night which was the circus themed one. It was pretty good. After the show mom went back to the room and I walked around a little more......I went down to the beach, pitch black by the way, and threw my message in a bottle into the ocean. I took a long stoll back absorbing the trip and Mexico and then returned to the room to turn in early because we had to wake up at 4:30am the next morning to get on the bus to go to the airport.

I've become aware that my not sleeping is the mix of not only a messed up schedule I've been keeping but my way of avoiding my problems and fears.  By falling asleep exhausted at 6am after being up all night I'm much less likely to lie awake and think about the people who have hurt me in the last 6 months and the issues plaguing me now.  This morning I got a text from sarge and we talked for a minute so when I went to go to sleep I felt really very happy.  So waking up after an extended dream about various bosses who did not have my back, the backstabbing couple who wronged me and my best friend who left me over a guy....I don't feel very great.  I'm not miserable and my brain let the dream end on a positive note with my old best friend and maybe I was trying to reassure myself that it gets better.  The best part of the dream was where I was leaving the building for the last time and as she passed me I caught her hand and asked her "Can I call you later?" with a tear in my eye and she smiled and said yes.  She looked so normal with blonde hair and was wearing an old work uniform.  I guess that is who I miss, my best friend before she changed and turned into a confused uberly adolescent girl who hates me.  I want her back.  I want her to have herself back.  I don't usually dream about her so much as the others, I guess because I know she will contact me if and when she wants to.  But my birthday is in 2 days and it will be the first one without her since we met.....I don't know how I feel about that.  I missed her birthday this year but I messaged her on IM a Happy Birthday as that is the only communication she has left open to me although she won't respond.  I guess I'm waiting to see if she will do the same.  But I don't suppose I should hold my breath.

The dream didn't dampen my naturally up spirits left over from yesterday but I am sad about the part with my best friend in it.  She only appeared in it twice and both times she seemed happy to see me. 

Boy I got a lot of stuff done since my last entry today.  I made pasta salad.....albiet I was missing some ingredients but oh well it turned out well regardless.  I went through the ENTIRE BOX of my financial stuff from the past 2-3 years and organized it.  Shredded all the stuff I didn't need.  I made up a list of stuff to do until I get on the plane to Mexico.....everything from my daily workout plan etc to schoolwork I need to finish so I can check it all off each day and remind myself so I don't miss anything.  I redid the laundry room so my cat will stop peeing outside the box and pooping on the floor.  I removed as much trace of her pee on the floor as possible which included getting rid of the carpet I put the box on cause she pees on it and it smells.  I also caught her coming out of the box and rewarded her with a treat.....hopefully she'll equate treat with peeing INSIDE the box. ^^;

I even managed to work out as much as possible in the last 5-6 hours.  I am a happy camper and now off to bed because dad is going to wake me at 6am so I can wake up and go to the gym.

My back is aching......it's part car accident, part bad posture.  My really bad habits when sitting at the computer or watching tv is starting to really haunt me.  I didn't have this problem when I was working because as a martial arts instructor I was up and bouncing around all day without much time to sit and do nothing.  And even then when I did sit down it wasn't for long and I had better natural posture from working out all day.  Now I'm unemployed and trying to finish my university degree but I'm home all day, I haven't been to the gym nearly as much as I would like but I'm so damn depressed at times it makes it difficult for me.  I'm pondering whether or not I should consider going back on medication.  I hate to be dependant on medicine to live a normal life and especially considering last summer I proved to myself I didn't need it if I was really happy.  I guess I just need to finish this degree and just keep reminding myself it will make me happy and is worth suffering through the depression....

Today I made pasta salad and took the box full of financial papers and sorted it all out into organized piles.  After my break, I'm going to further seperate those piles and file the papers away where they belong.  Then I have to make sure to do my car payment online before I forget again.  It's due in about a week but I should take care of it now while I'm thinking of it.  Pretty sure the money I transferred in the bank should be fully deposited now.

Mexico is coming soon and I'm terrified of going.  I'm terrified my mom will resent the trip and feel like the hotel sucks and that she wasted money to make me happy.  I really invited her though to do something nice for her.  I could have gone alone after K ditched me.  I would have been perfectly happy but I thought my mom might appreciate getting out of cold New England and down to Mexico and relax.  The divorce is taking a lot out of all of us and I'm pretty sure I can attribute the hole of depression I fell into the last two weeks to her visiting.  Not because she came but because the three of us together is an extremely toxic atmosphere and my dad is very nasty to me for a few days after whenever she visits.

I have a headache coming and I'm sure it's because my neck feels all screwed up. 

So......I was all excited for my dinner tonight.  Sarge promised to make me gourmet scallops....and nothing happened.  I texted him during the afternoon to find out what time he wanted me to come over, then resent the text an hour later to solict a response.  Then I called him and left a 5 second wrinkle voicemail.....you know, where you don't want to say anything but you want them to go through the trouble of listening to your voicemail so you wait for it to record and then just rub the phone on your jeans or something and then hang up......and it sounds like you were just hanging up and had to fumble to do it. XD 

Anyway, so he called me finally.  Can't do it tonight he says......there's a bachelor party at his house tonight for a friend.  Ummmmm what?  A bachelor party.  No I got that.....why tonight?  Still not clear on whether he already had it scheduled and forgot when he made plans with me OR if he was asked to do it after and decided to bump me. >@  So we rescheduled for Monday night.  I did it because he apologized for constantly breaking plans and such.  At least he knows he's in the doghouse. XD

So I guess the scallops are a To Be Continued.... in my life.  I have however decided to dig out a bottle of wine for it.  I've been saving roughly 4 bottles of wine, 4 bottles of champagne and 2 bottles of vodka in the basement for when I had my own apartment.......dreams of one of those fancy bottle refridgerators in my kitchen I guess. XD  But anyway, I've had many many guys in my past who have always offered the whole enticing, "oh I'm such a good cook, I should make you dinner some time" and then they never do!!!  If Sarge does, then he is worthy of me bringing wine to celebrate. ^.^;

Been awake all night.....felt like I was going crazy at times.  About time for me to get changed into the old gym clothes now and drag my lame ass there.  I seriously need to step up my physical fitness.  Today is the start of a new beginning there.  Every day man.....every day.  I have the time, I won't have this type of time in my life (hopefully) ever again.  So it's worth it to take advantage.  Besides working out jump starts my brain and then I can come home and work on my real work, absorb it and get it the f*ck done. XD

I spent the night at Sarge's last night.  He made plans with me at 4 for 8.  He failed to mention he'd be drinking before I got there.  Which I then found out 5 minutes before I left my place.  Oh well, I was already dressed.  When I got there he was laying on the couch, I let myself in and whoa.......can we say messy boy mess on the table?  It was like a restaurant had EXPLODED in his living room.  Ribs, empty ice cream containers, tequila shots everywhere.....I couldn't believe it.  He then explained to me he had had his last test at the doctors that day for his heart.  Apparently he had been tested for the last three months for a heart condition his father had had.  During that time (apparently the doctors have to spread the 3 tests out a month apart)  he had been eating extremely healthy.  The news came in that the tests were negative and he was not in danger of dying.  Friends were called to celebrate and madness had ensued via the culinary route.

We went immediately upstairs and let's just say I find it immensely hilarious that he called me over to be intimate yet asked me to turn around when he undressed to shower. XD  Let's just say the night ended with a bang. lol  And my mood should have a happy face. XD